dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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