Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
