i'm lost and i look like a hooker
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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