You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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