I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
