i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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