I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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