pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
