If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
