Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
