Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
3 2 1 whiskey
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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