Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
