you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
