She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
