Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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