I wanna passion pit in your ass
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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