We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
