my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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