soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
