If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
