I faked an abortion last night.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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