How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
