so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
