loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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