You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So squirting runs in the family.
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She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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