If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
