i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
