what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
