He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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