I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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