is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
