Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
