So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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