I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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