I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
