I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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