Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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