I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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