Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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