Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
