Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
