she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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