how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
