My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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