Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
