I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death