I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
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Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here