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i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Randomize
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