You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
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I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.