she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My liver just broke up with me...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
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She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
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There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character