I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
