a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
