Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I want her autograph on my taint
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
