i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
