Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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