Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
People in love make me want to vomit
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Randomize
