Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
