he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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