he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
