You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
