I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
