Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
