Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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