im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
