thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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