i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
