i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
