32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I need moral support for this bender
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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