We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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