Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
