two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
