we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
