did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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