Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
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It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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