I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
