Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize