dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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