i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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