I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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