So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
