Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
