Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
