Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
