I accidentally burped into my bong.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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