I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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