I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
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