did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize