I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
